Man I'm having one of those days...just feel shitty...hate me...hate the weather...hate most things...
The best part about being a self loather is that I keep all that inside...just for me...well maybe my wife if she wanders into the loathing fest...
The interesting part about being a self loathing clown is that most people think I'm this happy go lucky, dippy guy...but in all seriousness under the goofy surface lies a sad clown...of course being out of work right now doesn't help...I mean I'm normally good at one thing...leading people in a job...right now no one seems to give two shits if I can do that...
Looking for a job is not easy! You try to network...but when you are in the business of hating oneself...it ain't easy...I always thing I should be doing something else...I should be doing this or that...calling this person or that person...all the while I am sad...uncomfortable to be calling folks who I plan to ask a favor or this or that...I'm a damn fine employee...I win awards...get written about...but at the end of the day...it's not enough...hence why I'm starting to spill my guts here...you see I'm just a boy standing in front of the internet asking you to love me...or laugh at me...
laughing is my drug...love to make people laugh...push the line...but I'm just getting warmed up here...just finding my way...
Remembering why I've been good in my life...but at the same time why I consistently step in shit...along the way...Hence my dance through life...ups and downs...strikes and gutters...it's all a game...and I'm trying to find the right pieces to get back into the game!
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